Chit Chat

This was a good conversation where I got to let things out as they came. I thought much of this would make good blog material, but I don't like repeating myself. So I present to you a conversation piece:

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
hello

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
Hi

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
how're things going?

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
thing's are going relatively okay

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
how's the day been?

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
not bad so far
: (means I'm still talking) the snow was unexpected

robert :: katamari damacracy says:mm:
lol

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
Kit poked me awake to look at it

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
Joyce to me: "At least it isn't snowing yet." I walk outside thirty seconds later to find snow >_<>parts left out)

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
hey
: it's a month until I'm 20

robert :: katamari damacracy says: awesome!

... ... ...

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
I want a smoothie
: and kittens
: and flowers
: and sunshine--warm sunshine
: and to be listening to Third Eye Blind's second album...
: I'm being really reminiscent with music lately
: going back to stuff I listened to in high school

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
mm

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
hmm... something interesting, and yet a bit frustrating...
: I do get in good moods once in a while
: Keeli and Morgan help alot with that one--I'll miss it when they're not together
: and I feel like I'm on the verge of something..
: but I'm not sure as to what
: this is very hard for me to describe

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
*hugs* something good, hopefully

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
but I keep getting that feeling that if I had found whatever made me happy, I would be thinking about that
: or I would go to that
: whatever it is
: I don't know...
: there's just something out there... and within me... that I can't name or grasp, but when I get my happiest, it's like it's on the verge of blooming, on the very edge of jumping out from whatever it's hiding behind, getting closer to revealing itself...
: and the two things I wonder most are a) what is it, and b) what will it take to bring it out of hiding


robert :: katamari damacracy says:
the more you're happy, will you learn more about it?

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
it's like that game I'm sure most people have played, "You're getting warmer, you're getting warmer..."
: I'm not sure
: I do think about things that make me happier
: and but I wonder if there's not one more thing out there that'll unite them all...
: that somehow I can utilize all those that make me happy into one thing
: or at least find something that surpasses them all
: or find something that combines little parts of all kinds of things that make me happy
: I don't know what it is, or how to bring it into light, which is what frustrates me
: and of coures there's a million things in the world to choose from, and although I've favored a few things here and there, all I've really determined is what doesn't work and what i odn't like

robert :: katamari damacracy says
:the only advice i can offer from here is to keep going, persist. you won't find it if you quit and die.

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
but I just wonder if it's close or far, how long it'll take to find it, how long the journey will be in finding it, and how much I'll have to grow and change to really realize it
: yeah...
: some days I really do feel like quitting and dying... there are some days when I feel just hopeless: but today's not one of those days...

... ... ...

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
it took me twenty years to find something that i know will be with me as long as i have all my limbs and wits about it. not even a career, a direction, just a sure thing. one. it's not as simple as if we were forced into things by blood.

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
yeah...
: I just wish I could even find one thing that I'm passionate about
: it's so empty and unfulfilling knowing that I lack a passion
: for as long as I've known my passions have been my relationships with people
: at one point, animals
: I'm not sure I've been really passionate in my art... I think I've more or less expressed passion in my art

... ... ...

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
I was just looking out the window at a cloud floating around
: and thought, yeah, sometimes I get an idea of my source of happiness, but for now it feels like an amorphous blob, not really taken shape
: and that idea sounded vaguely familiar...
: and then it hit me
: ... you've read the Harry Potter books, right?

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
>_>
: no

(So ensues my aghastness that this is true. I'll perhaps explain the idea I had later. The quote I'll save from that part of the exchange is:)

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
we're both legless fiction monkies!
: *ooh ooot ahh ahhh!*

... ... ...

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
wanting new things, but not wanting to stray too far from what I have..
: that's been a struggle with me for a while, now that I think about it

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
mm
keeping one interest and not letting others take over?

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
um... more like the feeling of wanting to feel settled and wanting to explore at the same time
: I know if I stay completely stagnant, I won't go anywhere and be miserable
: but dont' just want to break off attachments in search of new ones
: just pick up and leave for the unknown, as it were: in all sense...
: *senses

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
i think i understand better

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
okay
: dont' want to transfer out of Western or just go somewhere different or change too much of what I do, because I've got friends here who I like and depend on and who depend on me
: and it makes me feel somewhat grounded
: which is what I aim for
: I want to feel grounded by something
: but I want to reach out and find new things
: find something that works, for once
: interests of any kind
: I don't know... some of my thoughts don't make sense...
: I don't have a whole lot here, as it is... but what I do have, I value quite a bit

robert :: katamari damacracy says:
value can be relative, though it doesn't necessarily mean that it isn't value
: but it definitely feels much better to be grounded than not

Decadent Chocolate Roses in Crimson Silk says:
no kidding
: I need... some... thing... dammit, it's always like this
:I don't know enough out there to really determine my direction in life
: but I want to finish what I've started here...
: but I don't want to lose precious time in finding out what taht somethingis
: but I don't want to leave..
: but I want to go..
: but aaaaahhhrrrrlrlr lf. mf. f.

robert :: katamari damacracy says
:brain matter tug of war >_<>
And the rest of the converation is alright, but not as important as the stuff I wanted to get down.I think I'll close it for now. Harry Potter reference/insight will have to wait.