I just don't know what to do...

A summary my friend gave me about me:

"ok, let's just be honest. you are very clingy. I know that's an ugly word, but literally all the time of all summer that we've both been online, you've been talking to me. No one else does that. It's difficult to disengage conversations with you if I want to do something else. I can't vouch for other people, but that's a reason why I may seem more impatient. It seems like in your mind, some one is either your friend who you can rely on no matter what, or they dislike every part of you and want nothing to do with you."

And they are right. It's not their fault. I've tried and I've tried.But how do I feel?
I feel trapped, I feel hopeless, I feel I will lose all of my friends, and I feel I am undeserving of any friends.

Worst of all, I feel incurable.

Does this ever end? Does it? Does it end alive?

Well I'll be

It's been about 2 years since I started this thing. The blaze and craze of blogging has aged and slowed, and sometimes retired. At least in my circle, it has. I'm sure that every couple of minutes or so there's a new person on here with the brilliant idea of having a blog of their own.

I remember I was reluctant to do this sort of thing at first, thinking that no one would read it nor would anyone be interested in my written down thoughts. For some part, I am right. I hardly know anyone who reads this thing anymore, and I dont' read nearly as many blogs now as I did back then, reason being that the only blogs I really read were my friends'. (I'd like to start reading more blogs from strangers now...) Hardly any of my friends update anymore. I don't update much either. I'm feeling more and more like not recording down every moment that I'm feeling sad, cause for all I know I'll be chipper the next day. Recording events in my life after a while feels like I'm just going down a list of happenings. Once in a while I try to have something funny to say, but to be frank I've just not been very inspired.

Inspiration. Is. An awesome thing. I seem to have dropped mine somewhere a while back and haven't really seen it since... Sometimes I think I've found a way to make it come back but there's still something missing and it won't be convinced to come back unless I find that first... Damn finicky muses.

Blah blah blah anyway, this summer I think will be summed up by boredom, disappointment, laziness, cycles and recycles of depression, breaking with friends, remaking with friends, glimmers of hope, warm weather, good reuniting of old friends (and relatives), reuniting with photography, California, Whidbey Island, and a bunch of pent-up energy ready to be released. It's time to get on a track and start taking those steps that probably should've been taken a while ago... no time to feel fear or inhibition.

And who knows, corners are not see-through...

I move in on the 22nd. The curtains on summer are being closed once again... Here's to bravery and hope.
*Clink*