Not Rowan anymore. It WAS sunny today, but no, the weather freakin' changed it mind. Back to the clouds and not-so-warmness. Back into the jeans with me.
Damn, I'm hungry. I wish the food here wasn't so gross all the time. Alan and I dubbed cafeteria food "poison." When we advise people on what to eat (cause the people we know will often ask) we usually use terms like "nearly/sort of/ almost edible/stomachable/tolerable." Salads you can usually count on for being consistently edible, but they're not quite filling. Fries are usually good. And greasy. And if you're really sick of everything, there's always cereal. Other than that, it's a gamble: there are usually three main dishes offered. Along the side there is pasta and pizza, and there is a dessert counter and ice cream. All of these vary in quality. Recently, since we are approaching the end of the school year, the food has been going straight downhill.
Dude, it's raining. Haven't seen that in a while.
Hmm, end of the year. My head knows this, but it hasn't really hit me yet. Though when I think aobut my life in the fall quarter, it seems very far away... Winter quarter's not too far away, but it would feel weird to go back to that schedule. Wow... I've nearly completed one full year in college. I remember back in high school thinking how scary it would be to go to college, to be seperated from the friends and people I knew, to have classes that were at a higher level of expectations, to have buttloads of homework, to be on my own... and here I am now, surviving just fine. I've kept in contact with my close friends, made new friends up here, I've adjusted to classes fairly well, and I've managed to get away with taking classes that didn't demand too much homework. With the exception of English. Bloody class. And being on my own... I do have a lot of dependancies left over, but being out here isn't so bad. If anything, being in this sort of community has improved my people skills a bit, so that I won't be so awkward and afraid in the presence of other people as I used to be. The end of the year... what will surviving three months at home be like?
There's something I'm not looking forwad to. For once, summer isn't gonna be so great. I've got no plans. You heard me, no plans. I don't have the means of taking a vacation anywhere, I've got no plans of being employed of doing any sort of internship (though it's something that's nagging me, from inside and outside sources), and most, if not all, of my friends will be occupied. *sigh* I fear being alone, bored, restless, and being driven insane by my younger siblings. What am I to do...
I've been drawn back on my full blogging streak again. I've updated this quite frequently all of the sudden. I check it multiple times a day to see whether I've gotten feedback. I check my friends' online journals to see any updates on their end. I can see we've all slowed down over time... I slowed WAY down, I know. But now it's if someone gave me a blog-caffeine pill. I'm a hyperactive blogger again... I've got to be patient though. I wonder how many people are reading my blog these days... probably not too many. Of all the entries I've entered recently, I've only gotten one response.
Speaking of which, my request for songs still stands. Gimme a song suggestion or two! NOW!!! ... Please? =)
Friday, April 29, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please...
For you Avril Lavigne fans out there... I'm not one of you. Sorry. But I do like this song. I first heard it... man, a long time ago. Early high school. Michelle played it for me, said she related to it quite a bit. And now that I think about it, I can relate quite a bit too. And I suppose alot of girls can make that claim as well.
Let's go back to one earlier concept: high school. One one note, like many college students, I'd want go back there like I'd want to go to hell. But it's these times when I start reminiscing... it started with Sonja's blog, when she wrote an entry about the things she found in her high school backpack that she never bothered to clean out. They included invitations to grad parties--including her own grad party, notes passed to one another--often illustrated in the way only Sonja could do it, random things from different classes, and pockets full of pen and papers. As I read it... not only did I start getting nostolgic for the days when I would write notes to my friends as I was bored to death in my classes, but I got reminiscnent of such things as pulling out my different pens or pencils for a class... I only bring a notebook and my purse full of pens/pencils to class these days... and the occasional book or two. Yeah, I've gone through the whole year without a backpack...
And I remember around this time, especially when the weather looked like this, I would start feeling this free, fluttery feeling--a feeling that can only come from sunshine for the first time in a long time, springtime, and the fact that summer is approaching slowly. It was also this time when my teachers, along with every student, would start getting lax about school work... students would slack off, teachers wouldn't assign so much. My friends and I would hang out outside at lunch--our only long-term midday break in our strictly regulated school day; it would be about this time that worries about Prom/Senior BBQ would start... And we would beg our teachers to let us go outside for class... I never got that wish from any teacher. Heh, even in some of my classes this quarter we beg our teacher to let us go outside. Mmmm.. chococlate. Sorry for the interruption, I'm eating a buttercrisp bar. Being a big fan of butterfingers, this is a damn good invention. So like I was saying... yeah, I'm getting reminiscent.
And I'm still loving the sun! The warm! The brightness! But not the wind so much. I woke up this morning to a brisk gust of wind in my face, blowing through my little window on me. Being too tired to reach over and shut the window, I just huddled in my big ol' down comforter, hoping it would die down. After so long, my roommate finally graciously shut the window, allowing me to fall back asleep and briefly dream again. The wind hasn't died down all day. It can feel nice once in a while... but usually I like it in refreshing little breezes or zephers... not in-your-face, trying-to-blow-you-away, shoving-your-hair-in-your-eyes-and-mouth gails. It's kinda weird, I usually expect such weather when it's colder, not on such a springy sunny day. I'm not gonna get too much sun today. Between my Linguistics and Anthropology class today, I lay down by the fountain in the middle of red square. Oddly enough, most of the time it was turned off. Somtimes, though, as I lay face face up to catch the warmth and let the wind gusts float over me, I could hear what what sounded like, at first, a bunch of bikes coming my way (I'm used to hearing bikers come up behind me), and then once I realized it was 11 spurts of water shooting up and falling down, I could feel the wind gently carry the mist across me. Those little moments didn't last longer than about a few minutes, though. However, the 20-sih total minutes I did spend in that position were quite pleasant, and I wish it lasted longer.
So you know what? I feel better today. Something tells me I will be dealing with such issues I vaguely described in the last entry for a while, but right now I'm feeling fine.
After posting my blog entry yesterday, I called Mr. Not-Answering-His-Phone one more time as I walked in the direction of his dorm, and I got an answer! It turns out he was getting his buff on at the Rec Center... or his soon-to-be-buff, that is. I will give him credit--he's working on it! And I'm proud of him. So we met, got a lemonade smoothie, never went to Haggan, but instead lounged on the grass that I lounged on earlier. (And I just yelled at him online for being online when he shouldn't be typing because his hands are supposed to be taking a break from such things. I swear, you all are seeing the worst of our relationship on this thing. I push because I love!) My friend Kit then invited us to eat some yummy food from the Pita Pit instead of the icky poison they serve us at school. She, her friend Jen, our friend Jess, her boyfriend Alden, my boyfriend Alan, and I all headed to downtown B'ham for said pitas. Mmmmm. And afterwards, next store to Mallard's, the makers of some damn good ice cream. I had Super Chocolate. They named it well. Alan couldn't resist his favorite: Banana Fudge Chunk. Kit tried some Rose--I want some next time!! Last time I had that flavor, I couldn't taste any rose. Maybe I was sick. Because the stuff she had... I WANT SOME!!!
Afterwards we hung out in Kit's room and watched "Shakespeare In Love." She had never seen it before. It was a success! We all love the movie. Afterwards, we chilled and chatted. I played with her vibrating hamster toy, the "Orgasm Hamster," as she dubbed it. (No, the "playing with it" did not result in any orgasms that night. I just like the feel of things vibrating in general.) Kit's gonna be a fun roommate next year!
So, in conclusion, good times.
Right now, I've got a playlist on Napster going on right now. I wish I got iTunes instead, but it was my parents who provided me this gift for my birthday. I'll be content with it.
Now here's my request to all of you: During the time when I can download nearly any song I want to right now, I will take any suggestions of any good songs to add to my collection. My usual genres of musical taste are rock--which mostly composes of classical rock, a little bit of pop, some bluegrass/country (most of the time, if it sounds rockish, there is a good chance of me liking it), classical, and... a good dance/techno song will do. I ask, no beg you all to provide me with some fantastic, wicked awesome, neato suggestions. Go for it!
Somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please...
For you Avril Lavigne fans out there... I'm not one of you. Sorry. But I do like this song. I first heard it... man, a long time ago. Early high school. Michelle played it for me, said she related to it quite a bit. And now that I think about it, I can relate quite a bit too. And I suppose alot of girls can make that claim as well.
Let's go back to one earlier concept: high school. One one note, like many college students, I'd want go back there like I'd want to go to hell. But it's these times when I start reminiscing... it started with Sonja's blog, when she wrote an entry about the things she found in her high school backpack that she never bothered to clean out. They included invitations to grad parties--including her own grad party, notes passed to one another--often illustrated in the way only Sonja could do it, random things from different classes, and pockets full of pen and papers. As I read it... not only did I start getting nostolgic for the days when I would write notes to my friends as I was bored to death in my classes, but I got reminiscnent of such things as pulling out my different pens or pencils for a class... I only bring a notebook and my purse full of pens/pencils to class these days... and the occasional book or two. Yeah, I've gone through the whole year without a backpack...
And I remember around this time, especially when the weather looked like this, I would start feeling this free, fluttery feeling--a feeling that can only come from sunshine for the first time in a long time, springtime, and the fact that summer is approaching slowly. It was also this time when my teachers, along with every student, would start getting lax about school work... students would slack off, teachers wouldn't assign so much. My friends and I would hang out outside at lunch--our only long-term midday break in our strictly regulated school day; it would be about this time that worries about Prom/Senior BBQ would start... And we would beg our teachers to let us go outside for class... I never got that wish from any teacher. Heh, even in some of my classes this quarter we beg our teacher to let us go outside. Mmmm.. chococlate. Sorry for the interruption, I'm eating a buttercrisp bar. Being a big fan of butterfingers, this is a damn good invention. So like I was saying... yeah, I'm getting reminiscent.
And I'm still loving the sun! The warm! The brightness! But not the wind so much. I woke up this morning to a brisk gust of wind in my face, blowing through my little window on me. Being too tired to reach over and shut the window, I just huddled in my big ol' down comforter, hoping it would die down. After so long, my roommate finally graciously shut the window, allowing me to fall back asleep and briefly dream again. The wind hasn't died down all day. It can feel nice once in a while... but usually I like it in refreshing little breezes or zephers... not in-your-face, trying-to-blow-you-away, shoving-your-hair-in-your-eyes-and-mouth gails. It's kinda weird, I usually expect such weather when it's colder, not on such a springy sunny day. I'm not gonna get too much sun today. Between my Linguistics and Anthropology class today, I lay down by the fountain in the middle of red square. Oddly enough, most of the time it was turned off. Somtimes, though, as I lay face face up to catch the warmth and let the wind gusts float over me, I could hear what what sounded like, at first, a bunch of bikes coming my way (I'm used to hearing bikers come up behind me), and then once I realized it was 11 spurts of water shooting up and falling down, I could feel the wind gently carry the mist across me. Those little moments didn't last longer than about a few minutes, though. However, the 20-sih total minutes I did spend in that position were quite pleasant, and I wish it lasted longer.
So you know what? I feel better today. Something tells me I will be dealing with such issues I vaguely described in the last entry for a while, but right now I'm feeling fine.
After posting my blog entry yesterday, I called Mr. Not-Answering-His-Phone one more time as I walked in the direction of his dorm, and I got an answer! It turns out he was getting his buff on at the Rec Center... or his soon-to-be-buff, that is. I will give him credit--he's working on it! And I'm proud of him. So we met, got a lemonade smoothie, never went to Haggan, but instead lounged on the grass that I lounged on earlier. (And I just yelled at him online for being online when he shouldn't be typing because his hands are supposed to be taking a break from such things. I swear, you all are seeing the worst of our relationship on this thing. I push because I love!) My friend Kit then invited us to eat some yummy food from the Pita Pit instead of the icky poison they serve us at school. She, her friend Jen, our friend Jess, her boyfriend Alden, my boyfriend Alan, and I all headed to downtown B'ham for said pitas. Mmmmm. And afterwards, next store to Mallard's, the makers of some damn good ice cream. I had Super Chocolate. They named it well. Alan couldn't resist his favorite: Banana Fudge Chunk. Kit tried some Rose--I want some next time!! Last time I had that flavor, I couldn't taste any rose. Maybe I was sick. Because the stuff she had... I WANT SOME!!!
Afterwards we hung out in Kit's room and watched "Shakespeare In Love." She had never seen it before. It was a success! We all love the movie. Afterwards, we chilled and chatted. I played with her vibrating hamster toy, the "Orgasm Hamster," as she dubbed it. (No, the "playing with it" did not result in any orgasms that night. I just like the feel of things vibrating in general.) Kit's gonna be a fun roommate next year!
So, in conclusion, good times.
Right now, I've got a playlist on Napster going on right now. I wish I got iTunes instead, but it was my parents who provided me this gift for my birthday. I'll be content with it.
Now here's my request to all of you: During the time when I can download nearly any song I want to right now, I will take any suggestions of any good songs to add to my collection. My usual genres of musical taste are rock--which mostly composes of classical rock, a little bit of pop, some bluegrass/country (most of the time, if it sounds rockish, there is a good chance of me liking it), classical, and... a good dance/techno song will do. I ask, no beg you all to provide me with some fantastic, wicked awesome, neato suggestions. Go for it!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
"I see sky's are blue, and clouds are white..."
I just spent over an hour enjoying the sunshine. I feel proud of myself. I was alone, which kinda made me sad, but at least I wasn't indoors on this lovely day. My only class was at 10 this morning. I took my blue stadium blanket and lay on it for a while in the grass outside of my dorm building, then I started reading a book that I should've read over the summer when my dad wanted me to. Better late than never.
I also got a room for next year. My friend Kit and I are rooming together in Mathes 801. Hooray for getting priority because you're returning to your own building. I still wonder what my major's gonna be...
Right now I want to go shopping with Alan, but I cannot reach that boy right now. His phone goes unanswered, he needs to activate his voicemail, he's not online (though he shouldn't be because his nearly-carpal-tunnel hands need a break), and I don't know whether he's at his dorm or working out. Dammit, I need to get going on that radio collar--I mean... I hope I can find him later...
*Sigh* I've been crying too much this year. I did it again last night. It's not that I'm sad all the time or anything, but I have moments of intense upsetness. It's due to alot of things. Unfortunately, Alan is usually indirectly involved. I say indirectly because in no way does he ever make me cry himself. He has done nothing that could ever be hurtful or abusive in any way. On the contrary, he's very sensitive to my feelings and very caring and supportive in any condition I'm in. The things I get upset over are the things I find wrong with myself... It goes back to long-term insecurities I've felt most of my life, and I've yet to totallly overcome them. I've come quite a ways from where I was, especially in the last year. But... because I'm experiencing a relatively new experience--being in a relationship, a serious relationship--I'm worried about those insecurities even more. I'm worried that they'll all catch up to me, overwhelm me, and consequently drive those I know and love into forsaking me. Now, for the record, I'm fairly confident that those who truly love and care for me won't ever do something like that... but... what it really comes down to is that I still feel insecure about myself, unsure of myself, and sometimes I find little reason to like myself. And at the same time I'm in a fear of losing the ones that I love the most... I guess I should stop worrying about that bit. I've been reassured so many times that I won't be abandoned, it might be time to accept it. In times of emotional turmoil, though... it's as if I want to abandon myself. I don't want to live in the person I'm living in already, and I don't want to have these faults and insecurites and have to deal with them too. My mentality often results in things such as "if I knew me, I wouldn't want to put up with me."
*Sigh again* I don't know what to do. I don't know the proper way to deal with this. I often find myself feeling better again (like this morning), thinking that maybe this time I've dealt with that situation properly and from now on I don't have to worry too much about about that particular problem... only to meet it straight in the face once more on another occasion. It's in those times when I feel like I'm getting nowhere with my growth, and I wonder how long I'll have to deal with such shit, and wonder when the day will come where I'll look back and think, "I certainly have come a long way from there..."
If anyone's got an idea on any sort of possible ways to start climbing these scary mountains, I'll listen. If not, just let me know you're still there...
Well, I just wanted to get that out. Again, it's nothing to do with Alan. Though small incidents (such as a slight disagreement, or something mean I said) with him will often trigger a little unhappy feeling, then will slowly but surely unleash the rest of my negative emotions and insecurities, along with a few or more tears. It's an icky cycle. And it needs to go away.
But the sun is out. And ALAN!! PICK UP THE FRIGGIN' PHONE OR LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALIVE SOMEWHERE!
(hee hee, and now you lucky readers will get to witness all of our little hissy fits!... actually, they rarely exist; I'm just getting a little antsy here.)
A lemonade smoothie sounds good. Ice cream sounds good. Fries sound good. Fast Food Nation is an evil and inspiring and depressing and informative book. Son of a bitch. I wish I hadn't read it, and I'm glad I read it.
I wonder if I'll just start using all the swear words. I've really yet to have the courage to utter f*** out loud. Let the wave of labels such as "wimp," "prude," "stupid-head," and "f***ing idiot" be unleashed upon me at this point. But for all those insensitive jerks (no offense), we all have our own comfort levels, OKAY?! So what if I haven't felt comfortable saying that one out loud yet?! I say every other swear word, I'm not that clean-mouthed. Just leave me alone!!!
Wow, that was hostile. I need something else to do. ALAN! PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE!!!
Okay, I think I'll walk over to his dorm and hope he's there. And maybe later I'll have something better to write about.
(By the way, Alan, don't worry. I still love you.)
I also got a room for next year. My friend Kit and I are rooming together in Mathes 801. Hooray for getting priority because you're returning to your own building. I still wonder what my major's gonna be...
Right now I want to go shopping with Alan, but I cannot reach that boy right now. His phone goes unanswered, he needs to activate his voicemail, he's not online (though he shouldn't be because his nearly-carpal-tunnel hands need a break), and I don't know whether he's at his dorm or working out. Dammit, I need to get going on that radio collar--I mean... I hope I can find him later...
*Sigh* I've been crying too much this year. I did it again last night. It's not that I'm sad all the time or anything, but I have moments of intense upsetness. It's due to alot of things. Unfortunately, Alan is usually indirectly involved. I say indirectly because in no way does he ever make me cry himself. He has done nothing that could ever be hurtful or abusive in any way. On the contrary, he's very sensitive to my feelings and very caring and supportive in any condition I'm in. The things I get upset over are the things I find wrong with myself... It goes back to long-term insecurities I've felt most of my life, and I've yet to totallly overcome them. I've come quite a ways from where I was, especially in the last year. But... because I'm experiencing a relatively new experience--being in a relationship, a serious relationship--I'm worried about those insecurities even more. I'm worried that they'll all catch up to me, overwhelm me, and consequently drive those I know and love into forsaking me. Now, for the record, I'm fairly confident that those who truly love and care for me won't ever do something like that... but... what it really comes down to is that I still feel insecure about myself, unsure of myself, and sometimes I find little reason to like myself. And at the same time I'm in a fear of losing the ones that I love the most... I guess I should stop worrying about that bit. I've been reassured so many times that I won't be abandoned, it might be time to accept it. In times of emotional turmoil, though... it's as if I want to abandon myself. I don't want to live in the person I'm living in already, and I don't want to have these faults and insecurites and have to deal with them too. My mentality often results in things such as "if I knew me, I wouldn't want to put up with me."
*Sigh again* I don't know what to do. I don't know the proper way to deal with this. I often find myself feeling better again (like this morning), thinking that maybe this time I've dealt with that situation properly and from now on I don't have to worry too much about about that particular problem... only to meet it straight in the face once more on another occasion. It's in those times when I feel like I'm getting nowhere with my growth, and I wonder how long I'll have to deal with such shit, and wonder when the day will come where I'll look back and think, "I certainly have come a long way from there..."
If anyone's got an idea on any sort of possible ways to start climbing these scary mountains, I'll listen. If not, just let me know you're still there...
Well, I just wanted to get that out. Again, it's nothing to do with Alan. Though small incidents (such as a slight disagreement, or something mean I said) with him will often trigger a little unhappy feeling, then will slowly but surely unleash the rest of my negative emotions and insecurities, along with a few or more tears. It's an icky cycle. And it needs to go away.
But the sun is out. And ALAN!! PICK UP THE FRIGGIN' PHONE OR LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALIVE SOMEWHERE!
(hee hee, and now you lucky readers will get to witness all of our little hissy fits!... actually, they rarely exist; I'm just getting a little antsy here.)
A lemonade smoothie sounds good. Ice cream sounds good. Fries sound good. Fast Food Nation is an evil and inspiring and depressing and informative book. Son of a bitch. I wish I hadn't read it, and I'm glad I read it.
I wonder if I'll just start using all the swear words. I've really yet to have the courage to utter f*** out loud. Let the wave of labels such as "wimp," "prude," "stupid-head," and "f***ing idiot" be unleashed upon me at this point. But for all those insensitive jerks (no offense), we all have our own comfort levels, OKAY?! So what if I haven't felt comfortable saying that one out loud yet?! I say every other swear word, I'm not that clean-mouthed. Just leave me alone!!!
Wow, that was hostile. I need something else to do. ALAN! PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE!!!
Okay, I think I'll walk over to his dorm and hope he's there. And maybe later I'll have something better to write about.
(By the way, Alan, don't worry. I still love you.)
Monday, April 25, 2005
Good day sunshine!
I need to laugh
and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about
I feel good
in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day!
Hooray for songs that fit the mood, and extra points for Beatles songs that fit the mood! Yes, the weather in the past week has been pretty darn sunny, and averaging around 70 degrees. It's warm weather that'll put me in a good mood these days. Sunny sunshiny sun... I makes things look brighter and more colorful, there's light everywhere, there's warmth, it's just right for me!
Although I am a sunny person, I don't mind the rain much either. What I don't like is to be cold. Being the little person I am, I can get cold easily. Now snow is fun. I'm saying this because snow is not something I see everyday, so it doesn't get in my way too much, nor does it become boring and monotonous for me. It changes the way the world looks, it's fun to explore and play with, and it can be just plain pretty. Now after a while I get too cold, so it's good that I get in moderation. I'm a little different when it comes to heat--yes, during the summer, there is a good chance I'll see many sunny days, but I try not to let it get boring at all. There are times when it gets too darn hot, but I mostly try to appreciate this precious dose of heat while I can.
Flowers are blooming. I can smell them every time I leave and go back to my dorm, and the rhododendrons are starting to explode in their vibrant red, pink, and purple hues. Another reason why I'm such a spring/summer person: I love color. Bright color. Vibrant color. Colorful color. I try to always see the time and need for any sort of color out there, whether it be a pastel color, neutral color, or shaded color. But I love it when a color is in its purest form. Though... hell, let's stray from the topic. I own mostly red and black in my wardrobe. What can I say--I naturally gravitate toward anything red in a store; it is my favorite color afterall. After that it's black. If anything, I prefer dark colors to light. Not sure why, but I do. I have a few blue things, purple things, and pink things, but mostly red and black. Recently I added something spring green to my wardrobe, and I'm gonna try to add a few more colors to it. I've heard that pastel colors--especially pastel pink--look good on me. That may be true to some eyes... but I can't supress my attraction to bold, natural, pure red. Maybe some bright pink. Hmmm... anyone wanna shop with me? Anyone wanna shop with me and pay for everything? Something tells me I'll have better luck with that first request.
If I pointed out how wandering my train of thought is every time it happens... I'd point it out a lot. Consider this the last time. And I hope I remember not to do it too.
The weekend turned out good. I hung out with people, spent time with Alan (this is now considered a "duh" event), and enjoyed the presense of sunshine. My homework load is turning out to be the least it's been all year, which is nice. What's not nice is that everyone else I know has busier schedules and more of a homework load. That's what I get for taking it easy this quarter. Arlgh.
So... I look at my buddy list, and all of my buddies online are away right now. I'm starting to take that as a hint to go outside and enjoy some sun. Though to be fair, I know for a fact that a few people are away because they have class, work, or homework and therefore cannot be spending some quality time in the pleasant weather, but still... maybe I need some sun
time.
It'll give me something to do at least. Even though I prefer to spend sun time in the company of friends and other loved ones. This blog will also give me something to do. As I predicted, I have become more neglectful of it these days... I had half a mind of abandoning it altogether. But even though I often pick up things and never finish them, I don't have the heart to forget about it altogether. So I didn't. As you can see here. I have a feeling that time in the summer will also be spent shoving out entries so that I'll have something to do.
What I also need to do is, the next time I go home, go and fetch my painting supplies. I created posters for Piccadilly--the semi-formal dance that my dorm, Mathes, and our neighboring dorm, Nash put on a few weekends ago. I used butcher paper and cheap tempora paints and copied pictures of colorful, stylistic artworks done of jazz musicians. My friend Adria did a few posters herself, and we even collaberated on one of them. We recieved much praise from so many people who saw them. I even have to say that they look good. I have one of a guy playing piano that I really like, and am keeping. But doing that... painting and drawing.. it gives me something to do. I kinda wish I had enough oil paint supplies to chug out a few of those, but I have limited resourcse. I'll do watercolor, which is my main medium, besides pencil graphite ("lead," as you non-artistic people would call it. No offense or criticism intended). I need to paint again. It's that time of year. And if I go too long without painting, I lose my inspiration, my confidence, and even my skills start to diminish after a while.
Should I major in art? Even though it's just something I do, a hobby, not something I "love," "am passionate for," "that I live for," etc. I know that sounds weird, coming from me... and I feel guilty saying it. I know it's a talent I have, one of the few I have, and I feel like I should be making something out of it. But... goddamn non-bohemian supporting countries and money being spent on elsewhere... argh. We turn into robots, yes we do. Alright, Liberal-Rowan, shut up.
Alright, I won't go into the sun right now, since it is getting close to dinner and I've someone to talk to online now, but I will go outside again today. I hope I can keep this streak of entries up. I miss blogging, really.
and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about
I feel good
in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day!
Hooray for songs that fit the mood, and extra points for Beatles songs that fit the mood! Yes, the weather in the past week has been pretty darn sunny, and averaging around 70 degrees. It's warm weather that'll put me in a good mood these days. Sunny sunshiny sun... I makes things look brighter and more colorful, there's light everywhere, there's warmth, it's just right for me!
Although I am a sunny person, I don't mind the rain much either. What I don't like is to be cold. Being the little person I am, I can get cold easily. Now snow is fun. I'm saying this because snow is not something I see everyday, so it doesn't get in my way too much, nor does it become boring and monotonous for me. It changes the way the world looks, it's fun to explore and play with, and it can be just plain pretty. Now after a while I get too cold, so it's good that I get in moderation. I'm a little different when it comes to heat--yes, during the summer, there is a good chance I'll see many sunny days, but I try not to let it get boring at all. There are times when it gets too darn hot, but I mostly try to appreciate this precious dose of heat while I can.
Flowers are blooming. I can smell them every time I leave and go back to my dorm, and the rhododendrons are starting to explode in their vibrant red, pink, and purple hues. Another reason why I'm such a spring/summer person: I love color. Bright color. Vibrant color. Colorful color. I try to always see the time and need for any sort of color out there, whether it be a pastel color, neutral color, or shaded color. But I love it when a color is in its purest form. Though... hell, let's stray from the topic. I own mostly red and black in my wardrobe. What can I say--I naturally gravitate toward anything red in a store; it is my favorite color afterall. After that it's black. If anything, I prefer dark colors to light. Not sure why, but I do. I have a few blue things, purple things, and pink things, but mostly red and black. Recently I added something spring green to my wardrobe, and I'm gonna try to add a few more colors to it. I've heard that pastel colors--especially pastel pink--look good on me. That may be true to some eyes... but I can't supress my attraction to bold, natural, pure red. Maybe some bright pink. Hmmm... anyone wanna shop with me? Anyone wanna shop with me and pay for everything? Something tells me I'll have better luck with that first request.
If I pointed out how wandering my train of thought is every time it happens... I'd point it out a lot. Consider this the last time. And I hope I remember not to do it too.
The weekend turned out good. I hung out with people, spent time with Alan (this is now considered a "duh" event), and enjoyed the presense of sunshine. My homework load is turning out to be the least it's been all year, which is nice. What's not nice is that everyone else I know has busier schedules and more of a homework load. That's what I get for taking it easy this quarter. Arlgh.
So... I look at my buddy list, and all of my buddies online are away right now. I'm starting to take that as a hint to go outside and enjoy some sun. Though to be fair, I know for a fact that a few people are away because they have class, work, or homework and therefore cannot be spending some quality time in the pleasant weather, but still... maybe I need some sun
time.
It'll give me something to do at least. Even though I prefer to spend sun time in the company of friends and other loved ones. This blog will also give me something to do. As I predicted, I have become more neglectful of it these days... I had half a mind of abandoning it altogether. But even though I often pick up things and never finish them, I don't have the heart to forget about it altogether. So I didn't. As you can see here. I have a feeling that time in the summer will also be spent shoving out entries so that I'll have something to do.
What I also need to do is, the next time I go home, go and fetch my painting supplies. I created posters for Piccadilly--the semi-formal dance that my dorm, Mathes, and our neighboring dorm, Nash put on a few weekends ago. I used butcher paper and cheap tempora paints and copied pictures of colorful, stylistic artworks done of jazz musicians. My friend Adria did a few posters herself, and we even collaberated on one of them. We recieved much praise from so many people who saw them. I even have to say that they look good. I have one of a guy playing piano that I really like, and am keeping. But doing that... painting and drawing.. it gives me something to do. I kinda wish I had enough oil paint supplies to chug out a few of those, but I have limited resourcse. I'll do watercolor, which is my main medium, besides pencil graphite ("lead," as you non-artistic people would call it. No offense or criticism intended). I need to paint again. It's that time of year. And if I go too long without painting, I lose my inspiration, my confidence, and even my skills start to diminish after a while.
Should I major in art? Even though it's just something I do, a hobby, not something I "love," "am passionate for," "that I live for," etc. I know that sounds weird, coming from me... and I feel guilty saying it. I know it's a talent I have, one of the few I have, and I feel like I should be making something out of it. But... goddamn non-bohemian supporting countries and money being spent on elsewhere... argh. We turn into robots, yes we do. Alright, Liberal-Rowan, shut up.
Alright, I won't go into the sun right now, since it is getting close to dinner and I've someone to talk to online now, but I will go outside again today. I hope I can keep this streak of entries up. I miss blogging, really.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Times Like These
I'm sorry, but it's April.
Yeah, that excuse was lame. But honestly, I am truely sorry. I realize I promised an update, but never followed through. I shouldn't do that.
Well, let me tell you, things have been happening. I turned 19 on April the 9th, and had many loved ones surrounding me, including Alan, not including my sisters, who were in Florida. Lucky girls.
So I've been up, I've been down, I've been happy, I've been sad, I've been stressed, I've been content, I've been bored, I've been active... I've been.
I'm starting to realize more and more that I hate writing reports of the events in my life--I'd much rather discuss them. My fingers get tired, and so does my brain. But when I tell people what's been going on, I don't know... it makes it the time together with whoever I'm telling my stories to more interesting. Stuff to talk about, ya know?
So... How I'm feeling today. Today is nice and sunny. This week has been nice and sunny. Strangely, even though it really should be PMS week, my mood had been sunny as well. I guess the two are related. Really, though, if it's sunny, I will mostly likely smile. Being a California girl, it's my kind of weather!
It's also spring. The flowers are blooming and smelling lovely, there is green on the trees... it makes me miss home... I love watching my garden turn from winter to spring to summer... the flowers, the blossoms, and the explosion of new fresh vegetation. If you wanna do some labeling, you may use Ms. Tuned to Nature, Nature Girl, Hippy... hell, I'll accept those. And I'm proud!!!
Today's Earth Day. I should recognize the natural beauty around me anyway. I'm all up for preserving such irreplacability. I hope you all can do something to be part of the cure as well.
Alan and I have been together for 4 monthes as of monday, the 18th. I think that's quite an accomplishment. Neither of us see a reason for any potential break-up any time soon. I feel happy being with him... I won't get too mushy here, but just so you all know, he and I are still together, still happy. I hope it stays this way for a long time.
Today is also Sarah's Birthday! I hope she's doing alright in Portland... Interestingly enough, I received my birthday present from her today too... I'm so bad with birthdays this year. I've gotten about... two people their birthday presents. And I owe Christmas presents as well... oy vey. To those of you who's birthday was missed by me... don't think I wasn't thinking about how old you were that day!
Well, I'm so sorry guys. During the school year, things get busy. I feel like it's a chore to sit down and spit it all back out at you... but it's not like I don't want you to know what's been going on. And by all means, I'm interested in what goes in your lives as well. Like the sun, you guys all make me smile.
With that, here's a song for y'all. I take this to heart every time I hear it. I first heard it performed by my Music Seminar teacher (from fall quarter) and his band. I was gonna go see them with Alan yesterday... but they were in a bar. And I dont' have the proper age requirements, nor any proper pieces of illegitamite plastic. Oh well... I hope I get to see them once more this year...
So here it is. I love you all.
I am a one way motorway
I’m the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone
It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?
It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
Yeah, that excuse was lame. But honestly, I am truely sorry. I realize I promised an update, but never followed through. I shouldn't do that.
Well, let me tell you, things have been happening. I turned 19 on April the 9th, and had many loved ones surrounding me, including Alan, not including my sisters, who were in Florida. Lucky girls.
So I've been up, I've been down, I've been happy, I've been sad, I've been stressed, I've been content, I've been bored, I've been active... I've been.
I'm starting to realize more and more that I hate writing reports of the events in my life--I'd much rather discuss them. My fingers get tired, and so does my brain. But when I tell people what's been going on, I don't know... it makes it the time together with whoever I'm telling my stories to more interesting. Stuff to talk about, ya know?
So... How I'm feeling today. Today is nice and sunny. This week has been nice and sunny. Strangely, even though it really should be PMS week, my mood had been sunny as well. I guess the two are related. Really, though, if it's sunny, I will mostly likely smile. Being a California girl, it's my kind of weather!
It's also spring. The flowers are blooming and smelling lovely, there is green on the trees... it makes me miss home... I love watching my garden turn from winter to spring to summer... the flowers, the blossoms, and the explosion of new fresh vegetation. If you wanna do some labeling, you may use Ms. Tuned to Nature, Nature Girl, Hippy... hell, I'll accept those. And I'm proud!!!
Today's Earth Day. I should recognize the natural beauty around me anyway. I'm all up for preserving such irreplacability. I hope you all can do something to be part of the cure as well.
Alan and I have been together for 4 monthes as of monday, the 18th. I think that's quite an accomplishment. Neither of us see a reason for any potential break-up any time soon. I feel happy being with him... I won't get too mushy here, but just so you all know, he and I are still together, still happy. I hope it stays this way for a long time.
Today is also Sarah's Birthday! I hope she's doing alright in Portland... Interestingly enough, I received my birthday present from her today too... I'm so bad with birthdays this year. I've gotten about... two people their birthday presents. And I owe Christmas presents as well... oy vey. To those of you who's birthday was missed by me... don't think I wasn't thinking about how old you were that day!
Well, I'm so sorry guys. During the school year, things get busy. I feel like it's a chore to sit down and spit it all back out at you... but it's not like I don't want you to know what's been going on. And by all means, I'm interested in what goes in your lives as well. Like the sun, you guys all make me smile.
With that, here's a song for y'all. I take this to heart every time I hear it. I first heard it performed by my Music Seminar teacher (from fall quarter) and his band. I was gonna go see them with Alan yesterday... but they were in a bar. And I dont' have the proper age requirements, nor any proper pieces of illegitamite plastic. Oh well... I hope I get to see them once more this year...
So here it is. I love you all.
I am a one way motorway
I’m the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone
It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?
It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
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