It's been a long and lonely winter

Where am I?

Before I start with the philisophical standpoint... physically I'm in the underground coffeehouse. Right now we've got two white guys rapping. This is western, there are alot of white guys. And sometimes they rap.
And yes, they are still white.

But anyway. I'm actually in a better place than I've been in a long time.

I'm getting back with friends that I hadn't been with in a while. While there's much room for improvement in that area, I have to admit, it's getting better.

I can't count how many times I've used that Beatles reference, but hell, it's a good reference.

(hee hee, poor white males)

But yes, friends. I've been getting closer to some. And I've been getting back in touch with some that I haven't kept in much tough with. There's a bit of a bumpy road with one, and a slippery edeg with another. There's unfinished business with another one... who's kind of a friend. Don't you love those? Those "kind of" friends? Sometimes you'd prefer to leave it at that level. They just dont' seem like the kind of people you could get along with for long.

(holy crap, the white boys are addressing da ladies. They better not be looking at me. I'm not a lady today)

Or maybe the "kind of" friends are people who you wish you could talk to more. And get to know more. But there's just something in the way...

Somedays the hunter becomes the hunted. And not only is that a weird day, it's a bit of a sad day.

(And now there's a girl who seems to be a bit smaller than me, in pink, strumming her guitar. Kind of a generic strum, but oh well. Give 'em all a chance. I like being nice)

More on that hunter bit later, if I get the courage.
I've been talking and opening up more and more to my cousin. Which is good, because I like it when we're close. We sing lyrics to one another. We talk about issues. We vent about males. We share latest trends in our musical tastes.

(Now it's a shaggy poet! He's funny!)

We give each other advice. And sympathies. And if we were in the same space, we'd give each other hugs and food, I'm sure.
And we send each other random funny links when we can.

(I like this poet! He's got perspective and sense of humor!)

The roommate's being awesome too. I think Winter quarter was a rough one.

(Okay, now he's ranting. Rants I can only take for so long. He gets tripped up in the timing sometimes too. And now the quote: "My penis knows where the fun is.")

(More white guys rapping! Hip-hop... it's a genre. A valid genre. But just not my kind of genre. And rarely works for those with the pale skin and the middle-upperclass upbringing.)

I want an Italian Soda. But I don't want to get up right now.

I really hope that spring's gonna bring a lighter mood. You've read my blog entries for the past 6 months. And even before that. I was floating in a thick bitter mucky sludge. And I didn't like it.

I'm hoping for stability soon. I'm getting there. I'm keeping stuff for me more. I hope to get a job soon. I hope that if I move off campus next year, it'll work out.

And hey, I turned 20 on Sunday. To call me a teenager would be incorrect. To call me a young adult would make me feel glad.

I've been actually talking with the Japanese students. Not just observing them, not learning their names from afar and then forgetting them.

(Was that fist in the air reminiscent of the Black Panther Party? And now they're bouncing like bunnies! Panther bunnies! Albino panther bunnies!)

I'm a little tweaked at the moment. I hope someone comes online soon. Seriously, where is everybody? Doing homework? Honestly...

I have alot of self-doubt deep down. It's an evil stickly little bastard demon to fight, as one may imagine.

(I have to give these guys credit. They're better than the first pair of white guys. Pretty damn good, actually.)

(Oh dear, they pull out the immigration bill stuff. I'm tired of political debates.)

Sometimes I want to get out and laze off. Most of the time I want to talk to someone who cares. Somestimes I have the courage to go out on a limb and do something different. And sometimes I just want to cling to the comfy blanket.

(Two boys with guitars!)

And I think that's where I'm gonna leave it for now. There's an update. A really vague one, yes. Too bad for now. I'll let you know when I want to share more details later.

I'm alive, and I might be getting better.