It feels like I'm blinding stumbling barefoot on a sidewalk with bits of broken glass strewn all over it. I try to carefully shuffle my way across, but sometimes stepping on something that'll cut me is inevitable. And sometimes I help it along--I know the glass is there, I take a big giant step in that direction anyway.
Pain pain, wonderful pain.
And with more pain comes more grungy/bluesy/hard rock songs. I've discovered "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails, let's see how much I like their other songs. I might become a fan.
I wish my good friends were more accessible. I talked to Michelle for the first time in a while yesterday, and I wished her a late Happy Birthday (she's freakin' 20!!). That made me feel better--Michelle's the type of girl who will at least make you feel somewhat better about nearly anything. She did her full job yesterday at making me feel very better. I remember nearly a year ago it was during Veteran's day weekend that I came down to UW and visited them for a while. Good times. I wish we could do it again this quarter, but I'm making other plans for this weekend, and hopefully they'll work out.
So what was my big mistake that killed the whole happiness? I went online. And... well, maybe in the future I'll comfortable about why that was a mistake. But right now, I'll leave it at that. Let's just say, for now, it was another form of heartbreak. As a result, I went to bed feeling down (and alone--literally. My roommate didn't come home until this morning), woke up feeling hurty. Stayed in bed until a little after noon.
One of the worst thing about this whole situation? It's hard to even keep the friendship... I miss that.
I miss him.
If I had to go back and change one thing about the whole situation, I wish I could've remained at the friends level with him longer. I gotta learn to listen to my gut more.
(And note: whoever is leaving Anonymous notes, you're welcome to do so. However... I would kinda like to know who you are. It would just make me feel better. So either sign your name in your note, or you can create your own account. Please!)
Oh yeah, and HAPPY 100th POST! Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyy...
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2 comments:
nirvana is excellent. always helps. i really like lake of fire, which is a bit unlike most of their other songs, but i bet you'll like it. the lyrics don't really apply in any way, but it's just a good song.
You clearly enjoy being a downer. It's nice to see some young people finding things to occupy themselves.
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