Hmmm... what to talk about. I could talk about things I've been doing lately... but that would get dull for all of you real fast, I'm sure. Though I've enjoyed the frequent visits from Michelle, the trip to the Zoo with Michelle and Candice, the lovely desserts I've been making, and the breakfast I've had with Alex... but I worry about the excess levels of boredom my readers would experience. So just know that the things that I've mentioned have happened.
*sigh* It's time to reflect on one particular aspect that's become apparent to me at the moment. I tend to be a very boring person when having a one-on-one moment. I'm not a conversationalist by nature, and the less I know a person, the more reserved and boring I tend to be. I'm not exactly what you'd call a social butterfly. Sure my people skills are not too shabby... but...
It's hard for me to open up to someone. It takes a while to truely trust them and be able to say anything that happens to be on my mind. Only a few people get that privilege. Compared to some people, I have don't have that much depth to my personality. I'm not a typical type of person; it really takes another not-so-typical person to truely understand me. I will not imply that I am an outcast--my desire not to be alone, or rather my fear of being alone, prevents me from adopting that label. I tend not to be rebellious either. While I'm not completely a law-abiding citizen, rebellion is not my usual thing. I'm not going to go punk or goth or anything of that nature either. As far as I'm concerned, no matter how much those people like to stress that they are different, all they seem to be is the inverse of the groups they're trying to rebel from--the anti-prep group, if you will. They have a certain similar dress and grooming style, social attitude, music/movie/media taste, and other things that they all conform to--despite they're dislike of conformity. The only thing that seperates them from the opposite group, the "preps," is the look and feel of their side of the spectrum. (*disclaimer* I do not hold anything against said group, and I realize my opinions are mine alone and are not written in stone and I mean no offense, I swear. Do what you like, kids. Just don't hurt anyone.)
Where was I going again? My place in life? My lack of social skills? I Don't know. I do better in big groups, interestingly enough. I have a quota on the number of people in the group (getting close to 20, and that's pushing it), but I tend to enjoy myself and have a better time when there's more people to interact with. I guess that's becuase, though I like a little attention, I am not always keen on all of the attention being focused onto me. I make a good background person. I easily fade into the background, I'm good at taking up social space, when there's extra people to be present, I'll contribute. If life were a sitcom, drama, or something similar, I'd be one of those people walking around or working in the background, to make things look realistic or busy. Maybe I'd get a few lines, maybe a little spotlight if I am to help out a main character... but nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing worth building a complex and viewer-interesed plot around. Just look at this blog...
Yay, Rowan, you've once again begun to sob and sorry yourself into your public journal again. Would it make good television? Only if I became a super-secret spy and I had a wacky range of clever lines and comebacks, not to mention a terribly interesting and fickle love life. Nope, 0 for 3.
Enough negativity. A few positive notes: My cousin's been online more these days, thanks to the miracle that is wireless internet (e.g. DSL). I've been in touch with her, and catching up on her life and allowing her to catch up on mine. I miss that girl, I wish there was some way I could see her this summer... Curse my unemployment. Lack of income. Lazy ass. Etc.
Dammit, there I go again. I'm lonely. I miss Alan alot, too. I don't get to see him for another two weeks still. It's sad when the people you're closest to are far away.
My dream someday would be to find a bunch of money and then take a few selected friends to a trip to California to spend some time vacationing. I love California (the areas I know, at least), and I'd love to share it with my friends. I'd like to see Kirsten again. I'd like to take my boyfriend down with me.
I also miss the sun. Come back, sun... make me warm again.
Oh, to be a little kid again.
(sidenote: the title is from my favorite form of such inspirations, a song. A song title. A Third Eye Blind song title. The chorus, which has nothing to do with this entry, really, goes like this:
"The plans I made still have you in them
cause you come swimming into view
and I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do
the words they use so lightly I only feel for you
I only know because I carry you around
in the background"
I've felt like that in the past before. Has anyone else?)
Right now, it's Simon and Garfunkel keeping me company.
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1 comment:
Hey hey, maybe you just diss on yourself cuz you're at home all the time. If you like work and stuff, ur gonna have a hell of a time, u should go look for one, COME ONE NOW, get off that lazy ass, ahhaha. You'll get to meet kool people and work on ur social skills, ya I'm working on mine, and get money? to give to me? hahah no? ok, fine but still look for one anyway? And you're not a boring person trust me, it's just that staying at home can make you get bored and you just start to go downhill from there, i've been there. so just like don't stay at home too long, i dunno wut i'm saying but hope you understand, maybe? sorrie, i just got back from work, see wut it does to ya? goodluck. ~Lunioh
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