The season of liveliness, fruitfulness, and...

... boredom.

Irony comes back again. Once upon a time, I would consider the season of summer the reason to live through the year. School, dreaded school, would be out, free time would be at my grasp to do whatever I wanted with it, and good memories were bound to be made. There were snakes to be caught, blackberries to be picked, sprinklers to be run through in my bathing suit, lots of watermelon and many other fruits to be slurped up, grill specials to be gobbled up, TV to be watched all day long, and sometimes California to visit.
Many on my list of "favorite childhood summer activites" I've long outgrown, and... well, much has changed. I was rather reluctant to leave school this time... talk to me 4 years ago, and I would've thought you nuts for saying that a thought like that would cross my mind. I liked the environment college brought to me--a bit of independence (especially in the form of no parents to breath down my neck 24/7), being surrounded by a bunch of people around my age, much more openmindedness than I've ever encountered before... it was nice. I go home, my siblings are all in either middle school or high school--the most judgemental age of all. I love them, but when I'm home for so long... oy vey. Wish me luck, and don't let me commit fratricide or soroicide.

So some of my friends are lucky and landed a job. My friend Sarah said that only 26% of college students looking for a job right now will find one. A statistic that makes me very optimistic... Sarah's off to work at a camp today, after no luck with finding a job elsewhere. Some very lucky people have a high paying internship in connection with where their parents' work (you know who you are, lucky bastard(s).) And some people, like me, know that finding a job would be good for them... seeing as they are 19, have no experience yet, and need some form of cash flow besides parents and relatives. Oy... not only is finding a job work, but... it's work. Iowanna work!!! Rargh. Will someone pay me to weed out a garden? I wish I were getting payed to weed out the dinosaurs in my garden... freakin huge things that tower over me and require a shovel to budge. *curse curse curse*

And... I miss people. Mostly, I miss Alan; terribly. One of the biggest reasons of not wanting to leave school was him... he tends to be one of my biggest motives in doing anything. *Sigh* Anyone who knows me can imagine the kind of attachment I have to him by now. And speaking of knowing me... few people really know me. Few people really understand me. This is becoming more and more apparent as I move from social circle to social circle. Only a handful of people I know really understand how I work, and can relate to me as I relate to them. Alan is one of those who has come to understand the way I work very well, and not only understands but accepts me the way I am. It's that security I used to feel... He would only be a walk away should I ever need him... and now's he's way more than a walk away. I know that by car he's only half an hour away... so it's not going to be too hard to visit. But that's when parents have to get involved becuase of transportation and guests in the house... But when I think about it, I don't have too much reason to whine so much. One of my friends won't see her boyfriend, ever, for about 3 months. They can't even chat online or talk on the phone. The only correspondence they may have is through letters they plan to write back and forth. She won't get to see him for his birthday... So compared to them, I have it easy. And then there are those people who are involved in long distance relationships throughout the college year, and maybe even throughout most of the summer. My whining should be very little compared to them. And yet... I can't help it. I miss having someone who cares about me so openly and who I can tell anything, and I mean anything, to. I've gone from seeing him at least a little bit every day to sometimes talking with him every other day. I miss him. Plain and simple. I felt like crying the first night I was home... I actually cried last night while talking to him online... I might as well get used to this... he's got work to do over the summer, and it involves alot of typing, which hurts his hands and makes him not so available for online chats after work. Plus he's got things to do at home, family and friends to be with... it's those times where I have to remind myself not to get in his way, or impede on him in any way. ... And reflecting on those words, he would've rebuked me for saying such things... I know he likes talking to me and spending time with me and such... but I don't want to get in his way. As much as I would love to spend every waking moment with him, I know I'm gonna have to be strong and let him go do his own thing... just let him go... goddammit. I still wish my emotions came with an on and off switch... or at least I wish I was alot better at hiding them when I want to. I always feel compelled to share my emotions with those I'm close to... no matter how much I want to keep them hidden... marlgh.

I reserve the right to bitch and moan and whine and mope. I love you all. And shut up.

On a different note, I notice that I haven't updated since before memorial day weekend. During that weekend my sister got a brand new, aussie shepard puppy. For those of you who have seen our dog Kelly, Gryffin looks like a younger version of her. Tiny little thing when Keira first brought him home, and since then he's gotten a bit bigger, but not much. He used to mostly sleep during the weekend I was here, and since then his energy has doubled. Unfortunately he not only needs to learn the proper bathroom locations, he needs to stop using me as a chew toy. He made a hole in one of my shirts the other day. In the end though, he's always cute. He dreaming right now... twitching in his sleep. Sometimes he yips in his sleep. And... heh, if you want "puppy eyes," nothing will ever beat looking straight into the eyes of a geniune puppy. He's a good dog... with puppyish tendancies. Oh well. Kids will be kids.
Well... hopefully the summer won't prove too unuseful to me. I hope the rest of you are fairing out well. Hasta luego.