I think I ate a magic banana...

... Cause my little wings that couldn't lift my heavy-weighted self have suddenly given me much lift.

(If you somehow caught my awesome reference, then you win 50 gold stars. Don't spend them all at once!)

Seriously, I've taken so many little progressive baby steps, it feels awesome to look around and see how far I've come. I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm becoming more accepting of my imperfection. Good, right? I thought so.

It's kinda like being in a very long sluggish line--we've all been there, right? And then you start either talking to your neighbors or just get lost in your own thoughts for a while, and then the next time you become aware of where you are, you're MUCH farther along than you originally were. "How did I get here?..."

I've gotten two jobs in the past year, 2 more jobs than I've ever had in my life. I've still yet to learn how to drive, but I've made it well known to my parents that I wish to learn. Baby step towards the driver's seat. I'm deathly afraid of the idea of driving... but dammit, I'm twenty-freakin'-one. Enough's enough.

I've become so self-aware it's almost scary. I'm becoming more aware of how other people around me feel. I'm starting to trust that little intuitive, almost psychic voice in my head, telling me what's going on or what's what or who's who... it could be a sign that I have a lightning-fast brain power, and if I can learn to keep up with it... man, I'll be a freakin' genius! And hey! Mind's Eye just came on. It's on Wolfmother's album, which is a good one. It sounds kinda like Pink Floyd... damn this is a good band.

If I keep walking to work and doing work at work, then I'll probably become a stronger girl in no time. I'll just have to start committing to Aikido next year so that I'll have anti-rapist powers next. Gotta work on my rolling. Aikido--that's how I roll.

I'm in another relationship. Yeah, I'll admit it now. I still feel twinges of fear and insecurity when I mention subjects of my love life... I desperately want to rebuild my faith in relationships... can a relationship really work between two who, though compatible, don't have too many common interests? Is it right for me to feel so torn? I don't know. And yet I do. But... who knows. I just want to be happier, and to figure things out, and to not be so alone... And it's this guy's first one, so I gotta give him a bit of a break. How far can you push someone to adapt and change, and how will you know it's worth it? Breath deep, seek peace...

My summer has been very unboring compared to last summer. I'm getting paid, I'm seeing people, I'm going places, and there are all kinds of things around to occupy me. Getting motivated to do them is another ordeal... goddamn weeds.

I kinda stink, I'll need a shower soon.

I'm afraid of cash registers. They've scared me ever since elementary school. In those days, different people in different classes would take turns helping out in the cafeteria. Once I was on cash register duty--not a complicated one at all, but I had problems counting out change to people... and got heavily chewed out for it. Ever since then I've been too ashamed to go near one. Plus my simple--SIMPLE--math skills still suck butt. I was once almost crowned the Queen of Proofs in my geometry class and could figure any formula out in algebraic classes, but hell, numbers? They're weird. Plus the one I glanced at, omg the BUTTONS!! SO MANY!!!111!!1!1 AAAAHHH!!!OMGBBQCHICKEN!!!!1111!!1! I'm also afraid of people wanting to kill me for mistakes. Maybe they don't always want to kill me, but I'm so afraid of people even being remotely annoyed at me... I have a complex that involves me thinking I'm not good enough for anything, and people getting upset at me for any reason is another shovel of coal into the fire. Gulp.

I've still yet to learn how to really cook and BBQ, but maybe soon that'll change. Graham and I are BOTH working now. With luck, we'll start taking advantage of any opportunity we have to actually cook something, something really good. I've already taken advantage of many baking opportunities as it is, and I don't intend to stop any time soon.

Lots of people I know were born in July.

I have an apartment lined up for next year--not the cheapest one, but a nice one for sure. I hope we don't have too many problems with it, and that I continue to be a good roommate. I don't like complaints against me, so I don't want to be cause for them!

I hope to gain some new friends next year. I love the ones I have now, and I'm glad to grow closer to those I can.

The skateboard has not killed the bad guy yet. It'll be a while. But learning to fly feels great, even if it makes me feel tired more.